Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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