What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
