If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need water and some morals
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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