she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
