Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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