Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
