I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
