1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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