I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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