dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
