you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
