Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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