yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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