I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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