So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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