u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
birth control should be required to get into college
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
