My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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