A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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