at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
