We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
