My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
