i just wanna soil my oats bro
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
