sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're like the curious george of whores
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
