Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This baby is an asshole
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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