We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
