Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
