i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
