yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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