I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
