dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
