Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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