Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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