just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
