I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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