I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
