They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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