I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
