So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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