We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
