im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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