i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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