I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he shaved USA in his pubs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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