Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
