I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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