I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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