he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
