I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Who died my cat blue again?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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