Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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