Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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