I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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