I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
40s are totally the cure
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
