the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
