he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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