I am spending my child support on dildos
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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