thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
