Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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