There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
