i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
