What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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