Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
