I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
