I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder