So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
