Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
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It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize