That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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