Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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