Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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