i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
