My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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