If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
