This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
