The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
