yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
