I hate your face
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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