Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
