tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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