just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
