she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
